I got myself ready way earlier than ever that morning. Ironed my red hot chilli pepper baju kurung, getting shower, practising a number of ways to smile and gave up, "just be yourself dins". Smirked. I chose to be real.

This was my first time ever I wore contact lens! (urm i mean the first time to succeed wearing it hehe!) And it was with bang teh's almost-an-hour assistance. Can u imagine how long it took? The ratio of time allocation for a normal user as compared to an amateur is 9:1. Haha K

I asked kakak to groom myself a bit as I refused to look pale or selekeh like in college days. And had some argument because she applied a pink lipstick (!!!! a big no no to me) okay right, never wear lipstick after this

Bang teh managed to mesmerise us all with his handsome black suit, and new haircut he did in Japan seemed to match his outfit very well! Haih insikeyo. Maa looked so pretty and decent AS ALWAYS and tell me how to not love her

Along the way to Klana, my heart did a great job of pounding hard. Seremban.. the familiar places and scenes came in sight to greet me again,

Entering Klana's main lobby was not an easy task. A lot of composure needed to be done. It has been so long since last I met these faces..

One step two step and three. And there was a huge crowd at the outside of the hall. There's someone I was searching for..

"cantiknya!" I turned myself to that voice. Anise!! She smiled prettily at me, oh this one dear girl. We salam and did a little catch up.

As I registered my name, I glanced around slightly. Stopped. And smiled immediately.


Ahhaaa can't believe we had come to this time of wishing farewell to each other, and to our golden youth of college students.. The photography session has joyfully ended.  I loved staring at the bouquet of pretty flowers sold outside the ballroom yet didn't get myself one. Many of my girlfriends did. I don't know, i just don't feel like one maybe because i secretly wished for anybody to surprise me with it or maybe i feel undeserved? Hahh no, maybe i need to get it for myself only when i really want it. It is 40MYR thanks but no thanks. But suddenly, as i walked past the seller, she offered me the last few bouquet. I refused with a smile, and she went "Akak bagi adik ni 10 ringgit je". WOW? WOW! I stopped and picked the bright red roses. Real roses. I sniffed the pure scent while embrace it so tight. My proudly first flower ever, proudly given by me, after all these 20 years of stumble and thrive. Bravo dear self. Alhamdulillah.

My smile lcurved wider as I viewed the scenario at this one side of the hall.

Mak and bang teh were still chatting with them, looking so indulged in the conversation. As soon as i approached them, Mak told me the update of the activity lol. That I HAVE TO FOLLOW THEM AS THEY KINDLY OFFERED TO TAKE ME TO THE HOMESTAY TOGETHER AFTER THE MARA MEETING WHILE MAK WILL GO BACK TO PREPARE SOME STUFF

....which I didnt expect. My pupils widened "Ma are you serious?'
 (have you ever seen your daughter navigate someone to some place in some sense?)

Alright the decision was there. We promised to meet up again later.
Amidst the doubt, I recognised one feeling slowly crept inside...

I looked to the right, left and right again. I made sure nobody can spot me there. I swore my Conan's inner intuition rising to the next level. Because i was looking forward. Waiting for.. a sign? An answer? No words can capture the reason of me floating inside out, of insane heartbeat.

A black car slowly parked infront of DS. A woman waved at me. As soon as I entered the back seat,
"Dini nampak dia tak? Mana pulak abang ni call tak jawab"

And then it started. The conversation led by the lady and the man inside the car. Topic by topic came sliding, until I noticed that feeling silently multiplied within me, again..

He took the front seat hurriedly, with me sitting right behind him. The car started to leave the very familiar compound. And along the way, we talked, nodded our heads, asked, cracked little jokes, glance out of the windows, made gestures, small giggles, short silence, not to mention checking the Waze- which out of all these 739174091th times of using it, decided to not function at that VERY moment!

Hence, I guided the way. I mean I NEEDED to guide the way. I chilled myself though i knew it very well of how blurry was my brain department called MAP! NO WHO GOT TIME TO CHILL. my eyes turned soo round scanning the routes. What should i say oh never know there is a traffic light here wowW what is dat attractive building y everything so unfamiliar now is this dream y u exist waze

.. they giggled softly.
AND ALHAMDULILLAH THAT WAZE KID worked again DO U HEAR ME YEAS

I thought i would be nervous, that my heartbeat bulldozed, that i would feel that extreme awkward-moment, or palpalating, yet surprisingly i was not.

In fact, that feeling which hit me earlier, continued to accompany me all the way.

..of comfort. Of warmth. Of coming back home. Something close and so at ease.

I smiled. I knew the real journey was about to begin.

Yes, it's clear. I found it.

 الحمداللة

****

[earlier that morning, 5am]

I woke up. I sat humbly facing the qiblah.
Oh Allah, after all these while, maybe this is it, maybe this is not. Part of me is certain, a little part of me is otherwise.
So please, let's today be the moment of clarity. Moment to fit the last jigsaw puzzle.
Tell me, show me, Allah..
امين

of beautiful sky

Wednesday 19 August 2015 • 19:03 • 0 comments

                                aktiviti masa lapang.

we are great admirers of things, 

                                           of little things.

Labels: kms

of places

Tuesday 18 August 2015 • 18:57 • 0 comments

payung comel ipah dan tak ingat

LT7
One of the Antartica in kms.
Cepat sejuk compared to other lecture rooms

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si spiral itu

Sunday 16 August 2015 • 18:49 • 0 comments

Tangga Rapunzel
Tangga Dumbledore
Tangga kevin zahri. sebab ia macam treadmill yg condong ke atas
Tangga Hogwarts, because it has information/posters/pictures/news on the wall of the stairs,
Tangga muhasabah. sebab bila naik tu akan berasa penatnya perjalanan, ni baru nak pergi kelas cari ilmu, bayangkan perjalanan kehidupan akhirat yg panjang nanti cewwahh
Tangga fatamorgana. Sebab berdasarkan tahap kesemputan kita, kita yakin  "YES, dah sampai level 3".  Rupanya baru tingkat 1, yang mengakibatkan kita terhenti berjalan dan termenung panjang merenung ceiling lepas tu.


Apapun itulah tangga 2 tahun aku.
Moga jadi saksi, yang baik-baik Nanti

RINDUnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nak main main kat situ lagi!!

Labels: kms

a tale

Friday 14 August 2015 • 09:06 • 0 comments

Bismillah

There was a girl. Happy parents, happy family, happy home, happy neighbourhood, happy health, happy friends, happy cats were all in her treasure chest. She could come up anytime checking on the them, out of glee without worrying of losing them. She grew up being so much furnished.

The ship she set her journey on, was absence from any savage waves or howling wind or gigantic Titanic iceberg that could crush and cause it to halt. Instead, it was a wonderful sailing, enjoying the scene and breezy air caressed her cheeks, yes sometimes a bit of sea water splashed at her outfit but, hehe she giggled at the refreshing encounter.

What's on her scene? UPSR was her play time, she never really took it seriously. The day came when she knotted her forehead, surprised at the As lining up on the result form. But nonetheless, thank You God..

The next scene- her high school years. The scene when she learned about herself better, thus finding herself. Her real self. She thought it was the climax of the thrill. She was wrong. The days passed where she knotted her forehead, surprised at the blessings being showered to her path, academically- for 5 years straight. One by one. One thing she was sure about, they were all never really from her efforts. She knew it very well.  But nonetheless, thank You God..

All of those scene carved an endless smile while she held tight the treasure chest close to her.
She was too comfortable, not aware of something big in front. Something that halted the ship, slowly. Troublesome. She's stucked. Her view now is a giant iceberg right in front of her eyes. So cold. All she could see is darkness surrounds, no more the wonderful scene. Smile fades and she sit down weakly. She starts to question, "I am very sure i chose the correct direction. I am sure i never done any harm deliberately to the creatures around me. Why this happens?"

Tears cascade down, adding the coldness coming from the freezing ice, making her numb.

Then, there's a voice..
"For years you've been given so much without u even really asking for it, and u never questioned it, you thanked God. So what's stopping you from doing the same, at this another form of- giving?

So what's your TRUE definition of blessing?"

She stares at the iceberg for a long time.

Forgetting to look beyond it, that something even more pleasant awaits behind it.
Forgetting that sunshine will appear, to melt it down.
Forgetting the valuable treasure chest she had lose her grip of... is still there.
Forgetting that now, she has to fix and move the ship, which makes her a better sailor for tomorrows.

All of which make her forgets - "but nonetheless, thank You, Allah!"

and He is with her,

فباي الاء ربكما تكذبان

So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?

55:40

of fluffines

Sunday 9 August 2015 • 21:46 • 0 comments

left: dorami right: dora

ibunya part time modelling commercial name: doraemon

time ni beliau dah start manja!

she lets me stroke her, dengan muka konon innesen itu!!

hai i'm Vanilla/Snow. i'm the official diva here

My fluffy friends!!!

they are of different characters. ada yg pemalu, baik hati dan diva.

the Dora family is the most famous sebab bulunya kembang and ekornya kontot
ia kelihatan seperti arnab arnab gemuk berlari-lari dengan gebunya

Labels: kms